Satan Stuns Nation by Announcing 2020 Democratic Bid

Jon Weller

Photo illustration by Jon Weller. Stock image courtesy of

THE SEVENTH CIRCLE OF HELL – After a turbulent start to the election cycle, the Prince Of Darkness has just announced the launch of his presidential campaign.


“I think there’s a lot of room in this election,” Lucifer, Destroyer of Souls, said. “I was watching the debates and I felt like they just weren’t playing my part correctly, you know? They were like pale imitations of me. So I thought, you know, why not give it a shot?”


This news comes after presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke dropped out of the race on Friday of last week. With O’Rourke having polled at only 3%, The Devil hopes he can do better. “I have a lot more experience torturing my constituents,” Satan said, “Bernie can’t hold a candle to my accomplishments. Plus, he’ll be seeing me here soon.”


Uriel, God’s right-hand angel, questions the validity of the campaign. “I don’t know if, like, he can do this… It’s unprecedented, that’s for sure, but it doesn’t seem valid. I mean, he isn’t a US citizen as far as I know.”


The Devil’s fundraising effort has been relatively successful, raising over 2 million dollars in the first 6 hours of the campaign. Results are still pending on the latest Gallup poll, but expert political scientists expect Satan to garner about 6% of the vote. 


The Ruler of Demons is planning to host a rally in Baltimore, MD in two days. Some avid fans have already started camping out in front of the venue. “I’ve been waiting for this, man,” Doug Raimer, 38, said. “I’ve been a registered Democrat for twenty years now, but none of the candidates really caught my eye. But now that The Father of Lies is running, I have an obligation to support him. Regardless, he can’t be worse than Trump, right?”


In the coming days, presidential candidate Joe Biden is slated to hold a controversial press conference to discuss this recent development and address the condition of his dentures.