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Lucas’ hot takes: thrashing upcoming winter fashion trends

Three students proudly display their worst winter outfits in a embarrassing moment.
Three students proudly display their worst winter outfits in a embarrassing moment.
Abigail Baker

While the Marin County winter season doesn’t become extremely cold, Marin residents still insist on going all out with winter attire. I’m sure many are just now expanding their wardrobe and putting their winter outfits together. But before you go out on a clothing shopping spree, I’m here to tell you what not to sport this winter. 

In-Depth:

Nike Tech- There are probably about a million different ways that I can make fun of a Nike Tech, but I will not exhaust you. Just know that you should not pay 135 dollars for what I like to call the “Nike Tech-nically wearable.”

Skinny jeans- This can’t be comfortable. How do you even move your legs? Imagine that you start sweating, and you don’t have any space between your legs and jeans. What do you think is going to happen? That is what I call a potential “Disaster Class” (opposite of a MasterClass).

Scarves- So, you’re telling me that people just throw a piece of fabric around their necks and call it fashion? Scarfs are impractical and only function to keep your neck warm, but does your neck even need it? Why don’t we all just start wearing Thneeds? They work just as well and can be used in several ways.

Denim jackets- We are living in a world where there are two types of denim jacket wearers: those who wear them normally, and those who wear a denim jacket and jeans. Please don’t be the second type of wearer. I will severely despise you if you wear denim on denim. How about we just leave the Canadian tuxedo as a thing of the past?

PJs- I guess they are comfortable, but you just present yourself as a lazy slob when wearing PJs in public. Whenever I see someone wearing PJs, I just think to myself, ‘Did you sleep in those, or did you put them on this morning, attempting to create a “fit?”’ Unfortunately, either case is equally concerning. 

College sweatshirts- New rule: you can only wear college sweatshirts if you are going to that college. I get it, Harvard makes nice sweatshirts. But let’s face it, you’re not going there.

Beanies- Beanies are great if used properly. They can be an asset to your warmth. But at what cost? You know your hair will just be a tangled, nuclear mess after you take that beanie off. Plus it’s not even that cold in Marin County to sacrifice your hair for a beanie.

Shorts and a T-shirt- No, you’re not cool. No one thinks that you are “tuff” for refusing to wear winter attire. I know you are freezing, put me out of my misery looking at you and put on a jacket.

Skinny sweatpants- For reasons I cannot say, do yourself a favor and make sure you have a little room between your legs and your sweatpants. Please. 

Quick Shots:

Ugly sweaters- Come on, it’s in the name.

Christmas socks- Minus 10 points if you pair this with an ugly sweater.  

UGGs- UGGs is just short for “ugly.”

Earmuffs- These are just glorified, warm headphones that can’t even play music.

Shiesty- There is a significant difference between how this looks when Justin Jefferson wears this and when you wear it.

Gloves- A little suspicious… 

Heated jacket- Impractical, uncomfortable, expensive.

While I could give you a list of proper winter attire, I feel that this list is a more appropriate approach to style this winter. Instead of focusing on what to wear, it’s better to determine what not to wear.

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